can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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