i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
