I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen