forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
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an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
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she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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