Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.

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(773): Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem. http://tfl.nu/9i07

Replies (30) Good night (5353) Bad night (969)
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(314): View more from Missouri

so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.

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(314): so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for. http://tfl.nu/ue3g

Replies (16) Good night (4246) Bad night (1047)
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(214): View more from Texas

did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?

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(214): did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night? http://tfl.nu/w8rd

Replies (9) Good night (3954) Bad night (973)
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(678): View more from Georgia

My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch

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(678): My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch http://tfl.nu/nghk

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(678): View more from Georgia

Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.

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(678): Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it. http://tfl.nu/0dlq

Replies (27) Good night (5078) Bad night (1731)
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(708): View more from Illinois

I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.

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(708): I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored. http://tfl.nu/z508

Replies (5) Good night (2987) Bad night (1512)
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(281): View more from Texas

Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal

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(281): Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal http://tfl.nu/lnon

Replies (20) Good night (3993) Bad night (1119)
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(469): View more from Texas

I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.

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(469): I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him. http://tfl.nu/3rzj

Replies (10) Good night (1518) Bad night (2856)
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(917): View more from New York City

I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.

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(917): I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake. http://tfl.nu/yic9

Replies (24) Good night (1622) Bad night (2888)
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(714): View more from California

The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.

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(714): The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow. http://tfl.nu/syuy

Replies (8) Good night (2874) Bad night (914)
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(361): View more from Texas

I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.

(1-361): View more from Texas

Ew! He's just a child!

(361): View more from Texas

AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.

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(361): I'm okay with corrupting his young mind. (1-361): Ew! He's just a child! (361): AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE. http://tfl.nu/exs0

Replies (46) Good night (4225) Bad night (2200)
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(281): View more from Texas

I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.

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(281): I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth. http://tfl.nu/cgjr

Replies (3) Good night (1435) Bad night (543)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.

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(865): Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts. http://tfl.nu/is6y

Replies (7) Good night (1625) Bad night (862)
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(512): View more from Texas

did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?

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(512): did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz? http://tfl.nu/l1f0

Replies (5) Good night (868) Bad night (528)
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(563): View more from Iowa

He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.

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(563): He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him. http://tfl.nu/nqw4

Replies (0) Good night (693) Bad night (306)

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