I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
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so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
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That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.