my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...