What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
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blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
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We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch