did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
