UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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