He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So here I am, sexting at work.
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