I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
