when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
