Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
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We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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