please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
