I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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