we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
