The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
