she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
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She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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