the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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