Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
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I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize