I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
