Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
