it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
