Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
