kristin has been a bad kristin
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
