I'm so fucking centered right now
just come out here and I will go home with you...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
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