stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you traded sex for a burrito?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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