Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
