if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
3 2 1 whiskey
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
