Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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