I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
