turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Semen is not good for contacts.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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