it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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