If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
