I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it hurts more in the daytime
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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