no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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