is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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