just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
