I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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