i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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