Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
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Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
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YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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