my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
