2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
