The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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