we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
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Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize