You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
