when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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