Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
