I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she peed on how many people?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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