my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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