haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
