Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
