she woke up with a sticky ear
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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