Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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