She's like a pop up book from hell.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
