why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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