he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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