why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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