you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
