dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
