Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
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dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
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The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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