I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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