i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
