ugly people sure do ruin things
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
