It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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