I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
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