i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
