My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
