only you would photoshop your dick
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
