the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
