I think i peed on brittanys purse
Say something about gay babies.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
