i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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