I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
