while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize