Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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